the hat

A French fashion designer once said that a hat is to a man what a woman is to love. Everyone knows that hats are cool and my situation is no different.



As you can see in the picture at left, the man without a hat is sad, lonely, and has no friends. His health is poor and his skin is bad. He is not very smart and has no good luck. He doesn’t even have a car! It is obvious that he will never have lots of money and so he will never have a good wife.

Now look at the man with the hat. He is happy, sexy, and has lots of friends. His health is really good and his skin is much better than yours. It is clear that this man is very smart and has great luck with the ladies. Obviously he will be very successful and have an excellent wife.

And see how this bright, successful young man’s hat covers his ears in cold north China weather. Who does not want this man’s children?!


I’ve been told this hat makes me look like a “Russian thug,” which improves its appeal to me. You can get this hat and its lifestyle for yourself if you go to the Muslim quarter of the world’s most inland city: Urumqi. There’s a small shop in the basement of a mosque where you can buy one for the asking price of 80 RMB. Your credit card’s not accepted but Mandarin and the Uyghur language are.